8 months ago today, I received the worst phone call of my life. I was laying in bed when Tim told me my dad was calling his phone. Because it had been silenced, we missed the call. I quickly picked up my phone, saw that I had also missed a call, and proceeded to call him back. I knew immediately that something was wrong, but I had no idea what. Within a few seconds, Dad uttered something about an accident, two uniformed military men showing up on their front porch just moments before, and that Chris was gone. In denial and anger I yelled back at him, "Dad, stop lying to me. Why would you say that?" I repeated the same words over and over again as my I was overcome with sobbing and shaking like I'd never known.
I was immediately in a panic. I didn't know what to do or where to go. Nothing could lessen the shock, the pain, the overwhelming grief I felt in that moment. All at once I wanted to run out of my house and find someone or something that could convince me this was all a nightmare. Tim held me as I sobbed. I called cousins, friends, and my sweet sister-in-law. I desperately tried to reach some of Chris's closest friends because I wanted them to find out from us and not from anyone else. Most of that night is still a blur, but I'll never forget laying in bed awake all night, tears streaming constantly down my face.
Some days, I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that my big brother, the one I always looked up to and wanted to be just like, is gone. I knew his job as a Naval aviator was one that involved risk, but an accident like this could never happen to him...or so I told myself. And yet, it did.
I so looked forward to seeing Chris become Uncle Chris to my kids. Undoubtedly, he would be the cool uncle that went on the greatest adventures, told the funniest stories, and brought back the most unique souvenirs. He would be the one that our kids would beg to go visit. He'd be the one our kids would brag about saying things like, "Well my uncle is cooler than your uncle" while hoisting photos that he'd taken on one of his many global adventures, either in a jet or otherwise. I just always hoped (and inwardly knew) that the relationship between my kids and their Uncle Chris would be a really special one.
I'm going to do my best to make sure that my kids know just how amazing their Uncle Chris was. They'll hear stories about him often, see pictures of him, visit with his friends, and hopefully be best buds with Chris's own little one that he'll never have the honor of knowing. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.
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