We're not quite three weeks into 2020, but it's already felt like the longest year of my life. Up until now, I've done pretty well with this whole patiently waiting to hold our son in our arms thing. All of that ended this week.
I'm not sure exactly how I got to this place. It seemed like I was handling the wait just fine until all of a sudden, I wasn't. As another adoptive mama in process told me this week it's like my "enthusiasm about the whole process just died one day, because it's hard, day after day, to get up and hope that today will be the day that you get the smallest piece of news, the next step in your years-long process, and still not get to meet your baby...."
For a few days this week I was so discouraged that it bled into every other part of my life. I lacked motivation to do much of anything and spent hours just mindlessly surfing the internet or just completely zoning out. I went to work and taught like I always do, but felt like I had a lot less patience with my students.
On Wednesday morning, I woke up and texted one of my closest friends, asking her to pray for me because I just felt so depressed over this whole situation. She quickly responded that she would and also mentioned that she would be free to meet me for coffee on my lunch break if I could make it work. After my US History class, a few students wanted to come up to finish some work and I told them I'd be there to help. By the time their lunch was over, I figured it probably wouldn't be worth it to drive downtown because I wouldn't have much time.
But, whether it made sense logically or not, I jumped in the car, made the 6 minute drive, paid for parking, and walked into one of my favorite little spots downtown. And just a moment later, my friend walked through the door. We sat for just over 20 minutes, drinking our coffee and catching up. We talked about my sadness and discouragement and impatience. She listened, encouraged, and was just present. By the time I got back into my car, I felt world's better. I returned to school and finished out my day much better than I'd started it.
I've come to the realization that I might be needing these types of re-focusing and refreshing moments more in the weeks to come as we continue this seemingly endless wait. Friends and coffee and quality conversation just might be the best cure for what ails me these days. And as far as I'm concerned, that's a prescription I won't argue with.
We are still holding out hope that we'll receive our next approval soon and that we can travel in time for the April 22 board meeting. In some ways, that date is beginning to seem like a long-shot. I find this particularly depressing because for so long we figured April would be the latest we would travel...and now it's seeming like it might be the earliest. If you are a praying person, we'd covet your prayers. Pray that all of our approvals would come through so that we can travel for this meeting. It's definitely not impossible, but it's seeming more and more unlikely by the day. In the midst of it all, we trust that God is faithful and His plan is better than ours.
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