There is a common narrative that surrounds adoption. It's a narrative similar to the one that many might tell about the type of life we choose to lead and the people that we choose to live in community with. I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard things like, "Wow, you are really helping those kids" or "I have helped people from immigrant and refugee backgrounds before too" or "You guys are so amazing for adopting a child from another country." I want to say right here and right now, we are NOT the heroes.
We do not view our place in this neighborhood or in this adoption story as one of being heroes or saviors or do-gooders. To do so creates a hierarchy that I wholeheartedly disagree with and will fight with every fiber of my being. We are neighbors. I am a teacher. Tim is an IT professional. I coach soccer. We will be parents. We are friends. And that, is it.
Do we hope that we will impact lives? Without a doubt. But not in the sense of "I am here to enlighten you" or "We are helping the people around us." The impact we desire is the kind of impact one friend has another. We live in relationship with others not with the end goal of changing their lives, but simply because we honor and cherish their existence and so deeply appreciate their presences in our lives. And truly, our neighbors don't want or need our help. They want friends. They need friends, just like we all do.
We are thrilled about our adoption. But we also recognize that it is far from being a rosy, beautiful story without pain and loss and anguish. The child(ren) we bring home and welcome into our family will have a story that began before us. A story that is valuable, important, and one that must be honored. We are not riding in on a white horse to save the day. We are simply hoping that our broken pieces and theirs might fit together in such a way that we can, with time and lots of effort, create a masterpiece. A sort of beauty from ashes story, but not their ashes and our beauty. Rather, our collective ashes that can become beautiful as we build into our relationship together.
コメント